It’s a question that can turn up in all sorts of places. Someone else seems to have more confidence, more energy, more freedom. Their business looks like it’s flowing, their relationships look happy, their life somehow seems to require less effort than yours. And before you know it, you’re looking sideways, wondering what they’re doing that you’re not, why things seem to come more easily to them, and perhaps even what might be wrong with you.
It can be particularly convincing on social media because we can see so much of someone else’s life. We see what they’re doing, what they have to say, their home, their holidays, their work, their successes. We can hear about their struggles too, if they choose to share them. It can feel as though we have a pretty good idea of what their experience is like.
But what we think someone else is experiencing and what their lived reality actually is can be two very different things. You may never know what is going on in someone else’s head. You don’t know what they’re carrying, what they’re worrying about, what they’re struggling with, or what that apparently easy life feels like from the inside.
And yet, somehow, we can take that glimpse and use it to measure our own lives.
There’s another thing I find interesting about comparison. Perhaps you’ve noticed those moments in your own life when you’re completely engrossed in something. You’re enjoying yourself, you’re absorbed, things are flowing and, for a little while, there’s no particular effort involved. You’re simply there, living your life.
Do you find yourself thinking about all the other people who aren’t having that experience right now? Wondering why their lives seem harder? Comparing your ease with their difficulty?
Probably not.
Which makes me wonder about the question itself.
Perhaps comparison isn’t really telling us very much about the person we’re comparing ourselves with. Perhaps it’s telling us something about what is happening for us in that moment.
Maybe we’re feeling stuck. Maybe we’re longing for something. Maybe we’re wondering whether life could feel different. Maybe we’re looking for reassurance that we’re not falling behind.
There’s nothing wrong with noticing something in someone else’s life and admiring it. There’s nothing wrong with wondering what might be possible for us too.
But perhaps we don’t have to turn that noticing into a verdict on ourselves.
And perhaps we don’t even need to figure out how to stop comparing.
The next time you notice yourself looking sideways, maybe you could simply notice the question underneath the question.
What is this comparison really about for me?
No right answer required. Just something worth noticing.
If something in this post resonates and you’d like to explore it further, reach out. I’d be happy to talk.
